Survivor

Hi my name is (Anonymous), and I am grateful to still be alive. I come from a family who suffers from the disease of addiction. My father wasn’t around and my mother was addicted to crack cocaine. To eat we had to steal, to shower we had to cry, to be loved we had to love ourselves. Neglect was a big part of my story and still today from a boy to a man I suffer. I had no discipline or guidance at home, so drugs and ignorance took me hostage I desperately needed to be saved but I was too scared to cry out in fear of getting beaten or terrorized at home. I can’t recall any childhood memories besides seeing my mom beaten and drugs killing her spirit and being placed into DSS. I had no understanding of why this was happening so I blamed myself. I grew up in and out of foster care and I aged out at 18 years old. In foster care, I was molested, abused, neglected and bullied. I have been robbed of my innocence. I despised God for very long time for bringing me into this world of chaos. Spiritually and mentally I have come to forgive. I strive for a better way of life. Drugs have played a major role in my life, I started using at 17 years old, the very first time I used, all the pain and anger had disappeared. It took me out of myself, drugs allowed me to forget about the sick and the suffering little boy would sit under the kitchen table abandoned and scared crying. As I got older my drug use progressed to more deadly substances. Heroin became my drug of choice. Growing up I didn’t know how to talk about my feelings are asked to help because I was vulnerable. I didn’t know that holding in all that pain then would leave me here today. I have found my Savior and treatment. Six overdoses a few jails and an institution later. I have tried to get sober many times before that I can make everyone else happy. I’ve come to understand that this journey of recovery is something I needed to do for myself because it needs personal meaning. The secrets where my sickness and the inability to ask for help was my weakness. I found freedom and power in my pain only the silent stay sick. I finally grabbed onto a seed of hope and courage and went into Tewksbury detox, then sat in a holding for a few months, then I arrived here at the Hope House still a broken individual, but a work in progress, who can sit in a room full of strangers and reveal his deepest darkest secrets. I am healing one day at a time and recovering from a world of misery. No longer will I be ashamed or remain silent because today my pain is my greatest asset. I’m very grateful for the Hope House because it’s saving my life. It offers individual counseling, community activities, and it allows individuals to heal and adapt back into the community. Thank you, God, for places like this, that have given me the opportunity to live, to be a son, uncle, brother, and husband. Today I’m dying to live not living to die. Thank you for listening because people are dying and many families are affected. There is still little boys and girls that need saving but there is hope because I am a survivor.